VAT 69

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Pain. That is what it is. Pure pain. Nothing compares to what I have been going through. And I am sure she is going through a lot more, and a lot worse. I hope she doesn’t read this, won’t do her any good. I know it wasn’t healthy, shouldn’t have made it this sentimental in the first place, but who thought about it then. No, that is wrong, I did think about all this; had a feeling that this might happen, but there were more overriding positive feelings urging me on back then. I had begun to lose myself in her. My dad never stopped me from getting into relationships, all he said was that” use apne Dil se do inch door hi rakhna “. Should have listened him. I let her sink in and see what we have come too. It’s not that I am regretting letting her in – not in a million years – but I do regret letting her out now, if that’s even possible that is.

I had a dream about her today. The first one that I have ever had of her. And what an Ironical timing. I don’t usually remember my dreams, but I remember this one vividly. And guess what we were doing in the dream talking on the phone – and she got caught. Funny these dreams. She used to say that our dreams are a reflection of our sub – conscious thoughts, heavy words, I used to think but I guess they are true. And there is another big irony associated with this dream and all this that happened today – it’s a Wednesday.

It’s strange, how one small thing leads to another and another and finally how big things become. Things that happened so many years ago, which lead to our meeting and things which happened last weekend, which lead to our being pulled apart. How one phrase that she confided in her mother in the heat of the moment brought such tidings. I wonder what would have happened if those words had not escaped her. But what’s the point of such contemplation, it’s not going to change anything. I don’t know what will happen now, I have lost so many of my plans. But I guess we will get through. I know her, and I know myself.

“If we would have needed any directions to go further, we wouldn’t have reached this far in the first place.”

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