The most obvious mathematical answer would be NO. Because I am not of the form p/q, where q not equal to zero. But that is a very poor joke I guess to start a post like this. I will make amends some other time.
I somehow realized today that maybe I am not as rational as I thought myself to be. Or maybe it is just because of that one person that all rationality escapes me. How else can you explain the fact that a person like me goes about roaming in the car around her house hoping for a glimpse of her.
There was a time when if a person would have told me that he did something of this sort I would have ridiculed him to no end. Asking him questions like what does he plan to achieve with such frivolous activities. I ask myself the same question. But the answer still escapes me.
Maybe you will say that I am in love. Is it really love ?
Maybe it is the love that bards usually sing about. Because it’s definitely not the kind which develops over time. We didn’t have that much time together. Maybe that’s what I repent the most. We didn’t have the time to understand it all. It’s like it all happened in a flash. It actually did.
But its been a month since that flash. And we were together for something like two months before all this happened. But if you look at it this way, we have spent 50% of the time we spent together as being separated. Now don’t you think that its enough to get moving on ? I hope you don’t categorize me as a mean, emotionless, useless fellow because I am going about all this pretty mathematically. The whole essence of my jibber jabber is trying to find out what it really was, or rather is. I still feel the same for her.
I still feel the same emotions when I get to talk to her this once in a while. I have heard her voice only once this past month. When I know it is very difficult for something positive to materialize right now, then why can’t I move on ?
If you look at it from a rational point of view then all that happened is good in a way. We most probably won’t have a future after three years. But I believe we at least deserve those three years. People say if you are so deep in this right now what will happen in the future. Well, who knows that is a question only time can answer.
I am all confused. And I don’t see any solution to all this, except one. She will have to come back. Maybe in a few more days time. But I somehow know it is not the end. Simply because I don’t want it to end right now. I realize that my mind works in a very narrow time frame. I absolutely don’t give a dine about what may happen three years from now. Tab ki tab dekhenge. All I care about is present. Maybe this is not good for everybody. Maybe I should just try to move on. But i don’t want to. I am not letting her getting rid of me that easily. I will do something. Let’s see, let’s roll the dice.