I hope this letter finds you in good health and spirits. I know it is not fair to hope so much from you especially after how I have treated your affection towards me. It is a crime which I believe will not go unpunished in the higher courts of the universe where justice to all is meted out by the supreme power. You have showered me with love and affection and yet I have been nothing but unkind and unresponsive towards your feelings. I am guilty of keeping you at an arm’s length and along with that deceiving you with a hope of finding your dream turn into reality. In doing so I think I did injustice to you even though I always wanted to help you get out of it with as little hurt as possible. I feel that ultimately I have lost that battle of trying to keep you unhurt- though I fought the good fight – and should be charged guilty as such.
I have always known that you have a soft corner for me in your heart, and I have always tried to maintain a bond between us wherein we do not lose the friendship that we have and also I could keep your heart from being broken.
You must be thinking that things were better earlier, when I didn’t know or suspect anything and I was just your crush and nothing more. Those were the times when we could have even met without fear of the public eye and the public mouth. But things have changed now, it is difficult to be back to what we were earlier. What was, was, and cannot be the same ever again. The proverbial arrow has been released and hence nothing can be done to stop it now. It must have crossed your mind on countless occasions that life would have been simpler had we never crossed that initial barrier of awkward conversations. But I feel that we would never have been able to become that kind of friends that we have become had we not crossed that bridge.
The gift that you gave me at our last parting really put me in my place. It showed me how affectionate and large hearted you are and even though I am the one who loves giving gifts, I was unable to give you something as small as a token of love and appreciation towards you. Those few words have been ringing in my ears since the moment I read them. I will never be able to forget that moment where you so hesitatingly and lovingly gave it to me and I felt so small and awkward that I had nothing to give you back. That moment, more than any other made me realize what all I stand to lose by losing you.
I know it has happened to you for the first time and that is why it may be difficult for you to accept it, but even if it may not seem so, you are still having an easier time than a majority of the people in the world. Love is a bug that bites everyone and leaves none unscathed. What we need to know here is the difference between infatuation and love. I am a strong believer of love, but love in first sight is a myth. Love emerges from constant time you spend together with the person knowing and respecting each other’s thoughts. It is awakened from its deep slumber by the slow constant crackling noise in the heart that burns in the presence as well as absence of the beloved. What you have for me is, I believe, Infatuation. Not love. I do not want to offend you or show disrespect towards your feelings in anyway, but I do not believe that love can ever arise one sided. If it does, then it is infatuation. The sooner you realize this the earlier you will be able to get out of the quagmire you are trapped in. I know you have conflicting emotions and do not understand what you actually want. That problem can only be solved once you accept that this is not love. The road is simpler from there on.
It is true that all that we have discussed and all the logic I give make sense, but still the sense of an ending hanging about in the air is difficult to shake off. That alone leads to an atmosphere where a dirge would be an appropriate background music. Such an atmosphere is never healthy and seldom conducive to any type of positive outcome. Thus, I urge you to shake out of that gloomy reverie and once again be the cheerful and happy go lucky person that I have to know and adore. I hope we will be able to put all this behind us and be the good friends that we always were.